So I’ve held this post in draft for roughly 2 weeks and kept editing until I didn’t think I sounded so tainted, but it’s a lesson I’ve learned and a valuable one. I choose to post because I want to not be cynical and negative towards the good and valued leaders in this world, although I find them rare. Know your own worth, make yourself happy and choose who to believe in, otherwise, my mere opinion is that you’ll be miserable….
I didn’t want to use this blog to complain or fuss about the comings and going’s of hospital leadership. Have to let it out to allow myself or others to heal from the gross misconduct and falsely placed values of those who called themselves our mentors and advisors. Advisors include all those set in place within an organization with higher power one may encounter when in need would call upon for help or assistance, but then you’re left out in the cold to fend for yourself.
Backdoor talking and covering tails is what appears to be occurring. Like getting their ducks in a row to wage war against the mere employees they are sworn to protect and have their back. Isn’t that one of the core values of most healthcare facilities is to have your coworkers back and to not let them fail? I thought so as a leader, I would stand behind every employee I had the pleasure of leading, working beside and for. The understanding that your staff is what makes you look good because they are the engine of the machine you run. If you don’t have common trust and respect between the leader and who they are petitioned to lead, it will never run properly.
I once believed I was gathering my arsenal to be a great front line leader from someone who was respected and trusted. Shining thru, were the true colors of the type of leader I never wanted to believe others had talked about. I would actually take offense and try to educate those crucifying this individual. They would tell me it’s a pattern, that if you don’t serve a purpose to them any longer, a way will be found to push you out. These were the ones who had stayed meek and weathered the past wrath and storms. I stated “that will not happen to me!” I thought I was invincible and swore to those that I was now there to protect them and bridge the gap of distrust. I was wrong.
Shame starts to creep in that I was even a part of that type of leadership! I have never in my career applied for a leadership role, I was placed in them. People tell me that alone speaks volumes. I could not believe the conversations, accusations and stipulations being put on a person that was there only to serve the purpose of doing their best and with so much transparency! Maybe that was my downfall, I was just too much an open book. I learned along the way and thought I did a pretty good job or so my record showed and my staff would boasts.
I know this post doesn’t sound very content but has calmed the little storm in my brain. You see even as I am gone from that place I still feel the extended arms of the upper leadership and administration reaching out to still find ways to push me down. Not wanting to tarnish the peace and contentment I’ve felt since stepping down from leadership, asked God to give me peace. He told me it is the heart and character of my child, who has entrusted in my name their well being and I shall have my vengeance.
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19
“Be merciful to me, my God, for my enemies are in hot pursuit; all day long they press their attack.” My adversaries pursue me all day long; in their pride many are attacking me” “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” Psalms 56:1-3